Post Adoption Problems
From practical experience with adoptions in Asia we look at what adoptive parents had experienced. The experience below and its reply’s might answer some of your questions if you have never adopted a child before. The experience of others might help you understand the adjustment issues after an adoption.
Adoption Case 2:
When we adopted our adopted daughter’s biological mother was still alive but she had been in and out of prison her entire life. Her father was unknown and when she turned 10 they terminated her biological mother’s parental rights. We asked around as we discovered that our daughter has a younger half-sister who now also lives in the US and who is HIV positive. She was adopted by a different American family. It is up to you when adopting a child with special needs.
We also adopted two Chinese children a few years back and they arrived as toddlers and they have no memories of life in China. This is the difference between adopting a small child and an older one. The older children still have their traumatic experiences to deal with whereas the toddlers don’t. These are things you have to consider when adopting.
You now also have to integrate the children into your family. With older children it is going to depend on their mental standing. With the trauma they have already experienced moving to another country with a different language and new family members is another trauma in itself. This is why there are training courses setup by many agencies as you need to learn how to make their move less traumatic and how to emotionally bond with them. Yes at first you might think these training courses are stupid, but they are not. They are actual rather helpful as integrating a child into a new environment especially an older child is a rather massive undertaking.
That is why I suggest that you examine why you are considering adoption and think about the effects it may have on the other family members (including grandparents). The real risks involve developing a relationship between you and your child, not problems from the outside. Once you are comfortable with the great unknowns, it will become easier to find a program that will find the right child for you.
Adoption is more than a legal process. You have to consider many issues as has been highlighted above. You have to consider the implications of adopting an older child or a younger toddler. You also have to look at other issues such as the costs involved and also the delay in the process. Are you willing to wait 2-3 years for an adoption to complete?
Once you have decided on this path it is a long and difficult path. Consider all your options before you pick up a telephone and speak to an attorney about the adoption process and start it.